Why did the chicken cross the road?
-Plato: for the greater good.
-Captain Kirk: to boldly go where no chicken has gone before
-To get to the other side.
-To prove he wasn't chicken.
-I don't know, ask the chicken.
Why this question is so interesting to people I don't quite know, and why after so many years of questioning there is not one true answer is even harder for me to understand. What I do know is the answer. I have seen a chicken cross the road and I have figured out it's motive for doing it. So here it is ladies and gentlemen, the reason the chicken crossed the road: The Mailman.
It seems in many made up answers the chicken was fleeing from something but in actuality the chicken was fleeing TO SOMEONE.
When I was in seventh grade I would walk home from school on a street that on one side was completely residential and the other a farm. One particular day, I believe it was a Thursday, epiphanies most often hit me on Thursdays, there was a chicken walking down the farmside of the street next to me. As I walked trying to figure out how he escaped the farm I got distracted by the humming and grumbling engine of a US Postal Service Truck. The truck screeched around the corner and pulled up to the first house on the residential side behind me. Then The Mailman, about 5'11, 185lbs, and dark farmertanned skin with a Tom Selleck moustache, popped out of the truck. The Mailman approached the first mailbox on the street and started to feed in some letters. It was at this moment that the chicken on the other side of the street noticed The Mailman. The chicken stopped dead in his tracks. He stared openly at The Mailman. The chicken's eyes seemed to pop out of his head. He cocked his head to the side for a second as if confused only for it to perk back up with excitement. And it was at this moment that it actually happened.
The chicken crossed the road.
And not just cross it, he sprinted across. The chicken ran so fast across the road his wings were flailing behind him and he almost tripped over his own feet several times. He ran all the way across the road and stopped at the mailbox next to The Mailman. You may say, well maybe the chicken crossed the road to check his mail. But no. What I saw next, as I kept walking with my neck straining to see what was happening behind me, was The Mailman bending down and saying, "Hey little guy, haven't seen you for a while," and the chicken jumping up and down joyously.
So why did the chicken cross the road?
To visit his old friend The Mailman.
I don't know what happened next because I had to continue on with my life and stop intruding on this chicken and his deep emotional relationship with The Mailman. So question it if you will or use this blog as your primary source for the question. I don't care. Just maybe now that the Chicken's motives have been solved people in America can start questioning other things. Things of more importance. Like how can we end world hunger? Is world peace possible? And what is up with the Ninja Turtles?